Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything...42...

Today is my birthday; I am 42 years old.  Age isn't something that particularly concerns me.  I'm not one of those women that dread someone finding out her age or has any desire to stop the hands of time.  I know with age comes grey hair, wrinkles and the possibility of becoming even shorter than I already am.  Being as I am a tad under 5' in my stocking feet, I can only imagine with age and the advent of Lyme what I will be once I am able to walk again.

I know with age the body changes and the unrelenting pull of gravity  takes hold but I look at that as a badge of honour and not something to be fought hysterically trying to retain a youth I have no desire to go back to anyway.  All those years of learning lessons the hard way and making mistakes I have no desire to rehash are now displayed for the world to see in a more mature face with lines of wisdom popping up here and there.  This does not frighten or upset me and since my devoted husband feels the same way, I have a calm about the years to come.

Now, all that said, that doesn't mean I am not affected by the changes my body has gone through this last year.  Not being a vain person, I didn't think the mastectomy would affect me like it did but I must be honest, it was harder to handle than I anticipated.  It took months before I could bring myself to look at my new body and only recently can I do that without ending up in tears.  I think it would have been even more difficult but I had a large tumor, 3 1/2 pounds to be exact, so the after was actually preferable to the before.  It was just hard to see such a devastating change in my body, couple that with the change in my legs from not walking for the four years and it's been traumatic on me.  

I am blessed with a husband that is constantly reassuring and does everything in his power to help me deal with all the changes.  I know in my heart, he really doesn't care and is just grateful I am still with him and we are still raising our children together.  The one that has trouble accepting it all is me.  However, with each day, I accept it all a little more.  

Age doesn't bother me but I think the injustice of diseases taking parts of me does.  I think this is where we just have to lay it all in the hands of God and leave it there.  You learn with age that asking 'why' does no good but asking 'how can I use this for the good' makes it easier to accept.  It's not easy to make Lemonade out of lemons but if our heart is right, God will help find a way.  You begin to look beyond the superficial and into the heart and that is where God wants us to be, seeking the heart of the matter. 

So, today, I am a year older and it was a horrendous year on me but I can look around this home at 8:30 pm on my birthday and remember what is truly important.  A husband who worked hard all week so he could take off and snuggle with me on the couch all day today.  A daughter who planned out a special menu for me when cooking for me has become extremely difficult since I am on the Gerson Therapy for the Breast Cancer.  An eldest son who made sure the living room was clean and has been waiting on me hand and foot all day long and our youngest son who has been a busy bee making things nice and staying up with me while I was hurting last night so I wouldn't be up alone on my birthday.  They all made special cards that took great care to create and have brought a huge smile to my heart all day long.

Our family's favorite way to celebrate….anything, is to crash together, fix fun food and watch fun movies together.  I am truly blessed when our almost adult children still want to spend their free time with us.  Oh, they have friends and go out and enjoy their youth but they still make sure they have their time with Josh and me.  That is when you know you've done something right.  

God has been so good to me in my 42 years.  Even though I am sitting in the lowest valley I have ever been in my life, I realize just how blessed I am.  I am still believing for my healing and I know one day I will walk again but until then, I am grateful to a God who has given me so much!

Oh, and the answer is...42...for those of you who get it ;-)

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