The last few weeks have been unbelievably emotional. Much has happened and my life has changed in so many ways. Each day I am further amazed at how God is capable of redeeming time. I know the Bible is clear about how God gives us this gift but the fact I am still amazed, which may tell more about me than I care to be known, reminds me of how much I am still learning about God's character. We should not be so shocked at his awesomeness but often times, in our finite minds and understandings, we are...
"Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:16
I have faced evil within my own family. I have watched those that should have spoken love and protection on my family, on me and those who have forever been tied to my life, even when there was distance between us, speak evil and curse not only our livelihoods but our very lives. I saw those people rejoice when I became sick and when they themselves found themselves facing an illness, humbleness of spirit did not breakthrough but only more anger. Attributing evil to God can be a very dangerous territory…
|The Love of My Life and Me.|
Through the last few weeks I have come to have a renewed appreciate of everything God has given me. I have a husband that is the definition of a gentle and kind. I still remember back to Victoria writing one of her first essays as a young girl and it was to be about her Daddy. She described him being gentle and loving and having a soft voice. To this day, I'm not sure I could more accurately describe my husband. When I look into his eyes and he wrinkles his forehead at me in concern when I am hurting, I still melt, all these years later. This man has fought so many fights for me and took on the medical establishment time and time again. When he was told by several doctors he needed to prepare himself to be a single parent, he looked straight at them and told them his God healed and it was not going to be that way. No one believed I could live through the cancer but almost two years later, I still have clean numbers. All to the glory of God and a husband who has bridged the gap for me. I know I am blessed...
|My family with me before surgery.|
Continuing to count my blessings, I have three wonderful children. These children have gone through a lot over the last few years with my illness but they had stood with us. In the beginning it was alarming as I became sicker and sicker and none of the doctors could give us an answer. The children stood through this time by the support of their Daddy and through it learned to rely on God in a way a lot of children may never know. Each child took up part of my therapy and everyone worked together in unison and prayer to see me well. Through these years, we have seen our children mature into strong individuals and we couldn't be prouder. As Benjamin and Victoria begin to prepare their future, they are starting with their feet firmly planted and Samuel, coming along behind, already planning on how to be a good Daddy through the example of Josh. We have often been approached and asked how we managed to keep our family together and so strong during such a difficult and lengthy illness and our first response is, of course, God. He is the one that helped keep the ties of our family firmly in place but secondly, I think it was giving the children an occupation during the illness.
|Sis and me loving on Sebbie.|
Josh and I watched many other families with illness almost isolate their children in hopes of protecting them with completely good intentions. However, in retrospect, what we saw were the children struggling to make sense of something that was directly affecting their lives yet they had no access to the problem in order to understand. Josh felt strongly from the beginning that our children needed the knowledge of what was happening as a way of dealing with the stress and in order to pray. He tempered that with giving them something constructive to do which made them feel empowered instead of helpless. Josh then made sure they had time away from the house and the problem. Josh would take them out with their friends, have a night alone with Daddy or go and watch a movie. This time of rest away from everything gave them time to regroup, unload on Josh and come back refreshed. However, even with all these good approached, it is to the Glory of God that their little spirits and souls were shielded from damage and they weathered the illness in such a way they became more empathic to their fellow man. We now see our children moved by the plight of others. I see them reach out to help whenever they can and I realize that even though this attack on my body was not of God and we are standing and believing for continued healing, they learned to look for ways to help others. I know I am blessed…
|My boys and me.|
Each time I see the sun rise, the moon hang over the City like the song says, the tall ships sail quietly by or my puppy snuggled up to me, I continue to remember how blessed I am. The enemy has thrown everything he had at our family over the last few years and I know he thought he had us. He thought he had destroyed us on more than one occasion but like in Romans 8:37 says, "Nevertheless, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." Many of the attacks we have faced were wished on us by the very lips that should have been protecting us but yet again, we are led to the scriptures to have the assurance of Isaiah 54:17 "But all the weapons that are made against thee, shall not prosper: and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment, thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the Lord’s servants, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord."
In the end, God is our protector, sent Jesus Christ to be our Saviour, our mother and our father, our Healer and the manager of our future. I know yet again, I am blessed…
May God Bless and Keep You in His Grace,
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